Whenever we give anyone absolute power, the tendency will be towards creating a little or big tyrant. When men are being taught that they should rule in the home (forgetting or downplaying Eph 5:21, and just starting at 5:22, wives SUBMIT!), they become little dictators, baby kings, and become very controlling of their wives and often emotionally abusive if not physically and sexually. It’s really ugly. That’s why in the NT there appears to be a lot of checks and balances and mutual accountability among the leaders and all Christians.

I believe no husband and no leader should even begin to think about speaking to their wives or churches about submission and obedience until they have consistently, over time, demonstrated their love as deep as Christ’s love, and their dying and giving up their lives for their wives and their churches just as Christ did for His bride and His church.

Another thing we all need to be mindful of is this: the commands in Eph 5:21-23 are for the people to whom they are being addressed, meaning, vs 21 is for everyone, v. 22 is for the wives TO APPLY TO THEMSELVES (not for their husbands to hold over their heads as some kind of a demand) and v. 23 is for the husbands TO APPLY TO THEMSELVES (not for the wives to demand from the husbands).

Good on you for creating a facebook page to help folks escape from and heal from spiritual abuse that seems to be occurring at MH.

Freedom!

I am trying to create a Facebook support group for parents, families, and friends of loved ones that have fallen victim and been brainwashed by Mars Hill Church. My daughter is one of what I am sadly sure are many beautiful, free thinking young people that have drank the Kool-Aid that Mark Driscoll is selling as the Word of God. I have been to the church many times so I have seen for myself that it is very seducing, but aren’t all cults and their leaders? When we think we have taught our children everything to go out into the world and be safe there they are ready to grab those young adults that are fresh out of school trying to find a place to fit in and create an adult life for themselves! They are convinced to marry young and have children to grow the membership! Driscoll is a salesman SELLING Jesus. Planting churches and having babies! In a recent sermon he said they needed to raise 15 million dollars next year. The more you give the higher up in heaven you will go! Really? Isn’t that whatScientology believes? This is not Christian to convince members to turn their backs on those in need. I have heard one member even say, “oh, well us Chrisians are hypocrites.” WHAT! Is that a pass to be liars and cheats? Well, My daughter is very young, in a new marriage and already pregnant. She is completely submissive to her husband. He has isolated from her family and friends.This is the first step in domestic abuse. If you or anyone you know are in the same boat please contact me so we can help each other and those we love that are being used and abused by Mark Driscoll and his gang.

Romans 12:17-21
Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do your part to live in peace with everyone, as much as possible. Dear friends, never avenge yourselves. Leave that to God. For it is written, “I will take vengeance:I will repay those who deserve it,” says the Lord. Instead, do what the Scriptures say: “If your enemies are hungry, feed them. If they are thirsty, give them something to drink, and they will ashamed of what they have done to you.” Don’t let evil get the best of you, but conquer evil by doing good. ”

Dear God, I give you Mars HIll, and I lift up the voices and cries of the people who have gone through spirtual abuse from Mars Hill . I am giving this to you. Please help me to live in peace, but to set good boundaries for the future. As well, please guide me to find a healthy church where I can grow in my faith. Amen.

I chose God. I know what is right or wrong. I know that I cannot grow in my faith if I am slave of man. But I can grow in my faith if I love God. I encourage everyone to look at this church as a child of God. 1 Corinthians 7:22-24: “And remember, if you were a slave when the Lord called you, the Lord has now set you free from the awful power of sin. And if you were free when the Lord called you, you are now a slave to Christ. God purchased you at a high price. Don’t be enslaved by the world. So, dear brothers and sisters, whatever situation you were in when you became a believer, stay there in your new relationship with God.”

Thank you Jesus for convicting me and helping me grow in my faith.
God Bless.

So called sisters and brohters and Christ making it their business to forewarn my ex that I was seeking help in getting away from him caused him to step things up greatly. The same pastor who spoke to two attorneys stating he “supported my gettnig a restraining order but MHC higher ups would not let him get involved” later felt it appropriate to not only go on a social network site publicly discussing re my marriage amoungst MHC ‘friends’, but also had former leaders call and warn my husband too!

My ex then had not one or two but four differnt phone lines all programmed to the system in my vechile for pursposes of stalking and harassment (GPS, etc) At this point I would not be shocked to learn he did not act alone. Unexpained vandlism and pranks also occurerd. . It was surmised what was planned for me could have been long term or fatal impairment of one kind or another.

I am praying that I find a way to go to church again because the taste in my mouth is so so bad that I cannot stomach it if anything about it reminds me of MHC, Time heals all wounds and I am thankful to the Lord for my freedom in Him and for being away from my phoney husband who called them all a cult yet they chose to protect over me because he has a penis I suppose.

So I tried the Downtown Seattle campus last Sunday night, and was really impressed by the worship band. It was music that finally sounded like something I would listen to maybe on KEXP. The sermon seemed to make sense, although now that I think about it, was centered on money. I was kind of excited though, and thought maybe I’d want to get involved.I took home one of their “This Is Mars Hill” brochures and began reading it, and stopped dead in my tracks about their position on women in ministry.

I am so glad I found your blog, along with other readings and research that confirmed my growing suspicions Driscoll was a meglomanic and the church was kind of a cult. Yikers! Ok, back to City Church I go.

I am so sorry to hear how you and your wife have suffered under yet another “law first” type of church. And as you stated, this is especially painful in the wake of deep loss. I pray you and your wife remain in the arms of our loving Father who embodies so beautifully both truth and grace–always, especially when many of His children do not. The problem is, we all bring our characterological issues into our spirituality, into our relationship with God, into our churches… then we all bounce off of each other, subconsciously attempting to reenact our family of origin. It gets messy.

Some excellent resources for healing from spiritual abuse as well as from our own character issues and wounds is cloudtownsend.com and newlife.com . Also, Jeff VanVonderen’s book, The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse is a classic; I highly recommend it if you have not yet read it.

But apart from all that, I hope and pray you stay connected with good, grace/truth filled Christians. They are out there, just hard to find some times.

Warmest regards,
Freedom! (Gal 5:1)

My wife and I just left a church we had attended for 13 years and our story of abuse (primarily through abandonment in the context of two deaths in my life — daughter -suicide and twin brother -brain tumnor, within 6 months of each other) has been like I would have thought could never happen in an evangelical church. The problems at the church are structural and numerous and they became known to us vividly over some ten to twelve months. They involve a church membership policy that is controlling and abusive, where those who leave without meeting the unpublished criteria for disenrollment are used as a punching bag, or told that God is not speaking to those who decide to leave. People who raise issues are made the issue, because their ‘motives and attitudes’ didn’t meet the standard of approval by the leaders; the senior pastor called himself the ‘first among equals’ with reference to the ‘plurality’ of elders. It has been an amazing thing to experience, on top of the two bereavements I have experienced. Protocol is king and not with standing the fact that their soteriology is reformed, sermon after sermon could be labeled, ‘The triumph of law over grace.” Of all people, those who believe in the sovereignty of God in general and in salvation in particular, should be characterized by deep humility. Not this bunch. Very sad, very tragic.

I was both touched and saddened by your story. I am so sorry to hear how you were mistreated at MH, although sad to say, not too surprised really.

Largely due to receiving your post in my email box the other morning I was inspired to finally come back and at least post something on this long-forsaken blog of mine. Please see my new post, #47, as I give some thoughts and perhaps some direction which might be of help to you and your wife.

I wish I had the energy to write more right now, but I am still recovering from surgery and have a family crisis to attend to.

Much compassion and heart felt understanding to you!

Freedom!